Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Autism, Vaccines, Love and the Police State!

Today I yelled at cop. I’ve never done this before, I was raised to respect and obey authority. If you get pulled over for speeding (which I did) you politely hand over your driver’s license, registration and proof of insurance and wait for them to either give you a break or ticket. But this cop did not want to give me a break and simultaneously I hit my breaking point. With both kids in tow I was running late to see one of my son’s therapists. I was nearly there but still about 10 minutes late, so picked I up the speed a bit to not lose too much time of the session, then I saw the cop car behind me. Shit!! I knew it, I blew it and here it was. I tried to slow down, change lanes and see if he’d let me go but he didn’t. I pulled over, did the routine and while he was taking his sweet time to review my information, my autistic son Aydan, started self stimming, banging the car seat, pulling off his seat belt, etc. I got out went around to the other side to put Aydan’s seat belt back on and in an instance as I saw the cop writing my ticket I felt a pang inside.. All way too much. I shouted out to him, “my son has autism; he has trouble waiting in the car when it is still and we’re late for therapy, couldn’t you let me go this one time?” Without even looking at me he brushed me off with his hand and said “back to your car.” That’s it!!! “I got out of my car because my son can’t sit still, as I told you, he’s getting out of his seat belt, I had to put him back in.. you know what.. You’re heartless… this is why people HATE cops!!!” Still he didn’t look up at me. I went back to my seat and waited. He gave me my ticket and told me to drive safe.

Now around 45 minutes late for our session, embarrassed because I was balling my eyes out, I sent the therapist a text message we wouldn’t make it and started back home. Here I was no session, lost time, lost money.. Argghhh.. I began to look around at everything, the freeway, the gas station, the trees on the sidewalk.. None of it feels real… None of anything feels right. I think about why I’m so upset by this event, easily it’s another expense to an already overextended financial situation, the cost of the ticket, the car, the insurance.. Does any of this seem real? What are these things? What are we all doing?

“This is why everyone hates cops..” I yelled at that man.. Because why? Because we’re empty.. Desensitized and I’m just looking for someone to feel. At what point did an explosive autistic child sitting in the back of the car become so normal that it didn’t even illicit a look? He wouldn’t even look at me to say anything, not even an “oh well I’m sorry but I still need to give this ticket.” I think back to an early on incident at the grocery store. I am standing in front of the non-dairy milks, Aydan screeching in the cart so I take him out to hold him. He was around 2 ½ and had just been diagnosed. A woman with her perfectly normal child asks my opinion on the best non-dairy milk, her niece is in town and cannot tolerate regular milk. As I begin to explain, Aydan irritated by the talking begins to screech louder, a woman walking down the aisle feels it is her job to tell me I’m not handling my child well. “How can you stand, why don’t you make him stop?” I yell as loud as possible for everyone around to hear, “I wish I could ma’am, he has AUTISM…”

What are we all doing? What is this life? We look around and it’s all things, stuff, very little is real anymore and even as humans we just resemble a semblance of something that used to be. We all talk about the world as it changes moving into the science fiction reality reminiscent of Aldous Huxley’s “A Brave New World” but maybe we’re not moving towards it… because we’re already there.
It’s not like me to yell at people especially authority figures but on the eve of a time in history where we are looking at the possibility of law enforcement and military having the right to turn guns or indefinitely imprison American citizens what I felt was a breaking point... The cop, the ticket, the money, our time, and my son.. “oh Aydan, my precious darling.. The meaning of life to me and yet I can’t be enough to help you through this.” I try, I work, I read, I research.. Oh and people.. People are still good.. So many who give their hearts, suggestions, well wishes and prayers but the suggestions all cost money and there just went a little more. I felt it all add up to this point of no return where I yelled at the cop. He was probably okay, heard a million excuses, most of them lies “just doing his job”. Oh lord help us.. When did this all become normal? How did we get this far?

And the money.. Oh.. The money.. Vaccines are easily covered by insurance but when your child is vaccine damaged you’re on your own.. The medical industrial complex does not pay, does not care and will try to make you think you’re crazy for even entertaining the possibility of your own experience. Sure if you want more drugs you’ll get those but if you actually want to reverse the damage you must pay, pay, pay..

Early into this journey I never allowed one opportunity to pass me by. If there was an event, conference, lecture, class, support group, etc. about autism I was there, if I could have it funded or it was free and add on childcare, there was no stopping me. One such event was a local screening of the movie “Autism Yesterday.” I watched as these families reversed their vaccine injured children’s autism, I wanted to feel optimistic and hopeful about it but I didn’t. Instead I went home and cried to my husband, “only the rich have recovered children..”

So today, I lost it. Too much at once, the world, this country, the police state, my life, my son, no money.. I don’t mean to feel sorry for myself, I know we are blessed but this too in many ways is a tragedy. When I think of the families of vaccine injured children who have been permanently disabled or killed by the damage I know we are fortunate to be able to fight another day. I know we have food and a home and many loving people in our lives but I Iook around and I am looking for humanity. I am looking forward and back and everywhere in between and I wonder if, or when we will get back to a place where sickness, fear and going along to get a long are the abnormal; where compassion, understanding and love is everywhere.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Mercury causes autism!!! Wait... But what about MMR and other vaccines?

Earlier this month the Bolen Report revealed information about how the CDC has known since at least 2002 that mercury containing vaccines contributed to the rise in autism. The famous debunked autism / mercury containing vaccine connection came from the Danish study that ascertained once mercury was phased out of vaccines in 1992 the rate of autism did not go down and actually appeared to go up. Through the Freedom of Information Act and the perseverance of autism dad Brian Hooker, several flaws were detected in this research; including a change in diagnostic criteria in 1994 and possibly out right hidden data showing a clear decline not rise after the mercury in question had been removed.

The mainstream allopathic medicine has admitted for years that mercury can cause neurological damage including Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's. So why deny autism?

And what about Dr. Paul Thorsen one of the co-authors of this fraudulent report? See excerpt about Dr. Thorsen from the Bolen Report article:

Finally, although the CDC claims that this is an independent publication, co-author Dr. Paul Thorsen was in residence at the CDC at the time of the study. In addition, Dr. Thorsen made a specific request that Dr. Jose Cordero, then director of the NCBDDD write a letter to the editor of the journal Pediatrics for expedited review and publication of the Madsen et al. 2003 study. Dr. Thorsen in April, 2011 was indicted by the U.S. Attorney in Atlanta, Georgia for embezzlement of funds from a CDC grant to his institution, the North Atlantic Neuro-Epidemiology Alliance.

So clearly when we heard this news about Dr. Thorsen's embezzlement, we smelled a rat. Obviously this study was rigged all along but why did Thorsen wait until 2011 to fly the coop, if he's known since at least 2002? Is it possible that not only did he know the ax was going to fall but he had an idea of when?

The other day a friend Sallie Elkrody had on her radio show strong vaccine opponent and mother of a vaccine damaged child, Dr. Rebecca Carley. Not even discussing the Bolen Report, Dr. Carley said something during this interview that shocked me, "mercury causes autism, is the biggest lie ever told." What's that? "Mercury and aluminum cause Alzheimer’s..." She went on to describe that vaccines indeed do cause autism but it is some of the other equally vial ingredients such as the DNA of animals and live viruses as the ones in the MMR (Measles Mumps Rubella) vaccine that are the ultimate culprit. Interesting.. In my own personal experience with my vaccine injured son, the initial regressing took place after MMR, Chicken Pox combination which have never been known to contain mercury. Varicella or Chicken Pox vaccine is however cultivated in the embryos of chicken eggs, which I would later discover my son had an allergy to. Dr. Carley also asserted that allergies are caused by the ingredients being injected into the body. Although it's questionable if a 100 percent mercury free vaccine actually exists as it's frequently used as sterilizing agent for the vaccine syringe, it cannot be used as an adjuvant with a live virus given its antiseptic qualities. It will ultimately kill the virus rendering the vaccine useless.. Useless? Yeah, I caught that as funny too. I know it's useless anyway. Dr. Carley also went on to describe anyone who claims mercury as the sole cause of autism is a disinformant (my word not her's but you get the idea).

In response to the 2007 news release by Mr. David A. Geier and Dr. Mark R. Geier, "A Prospective Study of Mercury Toxicity Biomarkers in Autistic Spectrum Disorders" that illustrates a probable connection between mercury poisoning and autism Dr. Carley made the following statement:

Autism is actually subacute sclerosing panencephalitis caused by the measles vaccine; they changed the name to autism to hide this fact. It is due to demyelination, as is MS, Guillan Barre syndrome, Lou Gehrig's disease, etc...the only thing that determines the symptoms (and thus the disease the symptoms fit into) is where the nervous system is damaged. This is all explained in the documents on

The measles vaccine has NEVER had mercury in it. But, of course the autistic children have mercury in them, because many of the other vaccines they receive had it. This mercury scam is being distributed because they want people to beLIEve that if they take the mercury out, vaccines will be safe. A bigger lie has never been told.

Wow. As I already mentioned in the case of my son's descent into autism it was the MMR vaccine that got the ball rolling, the others were just the horrible icing on the monkey kidney cake. I know several others with the same experience.

And what about Wakefield? Thanks to the likes of mainstream media outlets such as CNN (or as I like to call it Certainly Not News), British born Dr. Andrew Wakefield who wrote the infamous paper in the Lancet medical journal stating a possible connection between MMR vaccine and autism, Wakefield is known the world over as a huge fraud. However, those of us in the vaccine injured community regard him as an outstanding doctor with a strong moral fiber and character. Despite the fact he never made the claim the MMR vaccine in fact caused autism but it merely needed further study he was burned at the proverbial stake... publically chastised, lost license, lost country but has never quieted about the facts of his findings nor did he ever change his story.

The mercury autism debate has been raging for some time even by some fairly powerful and influential folks. In 2002 Congressman Dan Burton also discussed mercury in vaccines as causing his Grandson's regressive autism. In 2005 Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. wrote the article "Deadly Immunity" about this very type of CDC cover up. Also in 2005 David Kirby's book "Evidence of Harm" provided damning evidence of a mercury containing vaccine, autism causation. Dr. Carley refers to Kirby as a disinformant; I met him briefly at the Autism One conference in 2010, he was very sweet and I can't say he was wearing a sign that said "liar" on it. So.. I'm not prepared to accuse him of anything.

Having many friends in the autism community the stories I hear most frequently are that their child's regressive autism took place after the once mercury containing Hepatitis B, the sometimes mercury containing DPT or the never mercury containing MMR. I have never heard it attributed to a flu shot which most definitely to this day contains mercury and has reportedly caused a nearly 10 fold increase of Alzheimer's in those who take the shot 5 years or more in a row.

So what's the deal? Does mercury cause autism or not? Well if you Google the symptoms of autism and compare them to the symptoms of mercury poisoning it's really hard not to notice similarities; however, it seems that there are many of us out there that have a different story when it comes to our child's autistic regression.

Where am I going with this, you might ask? First of all, I think it's time to start calling autism or autisms what it.. they.. really are.. Vaccine damage. Sure I know a few that have never been vaccinated and the child still would later receive a diagnosis of autism; however, Dam Olmstead's Age of Autism article comparing the 1/10,000 primarily unvaccinated Amish rate to the 1/150 National average autism rate that it was in 2005 (today it's estimated around 1/91 or higher) it's hard not to call vaccines the heavy hitter. Ultimately autism as a diagnosis is irrelevant. It's certainly not a behavioral disorder, psychiatric disorder, or as some like to say "bratty kid" as a result of lack luster parenting. There has been a toxic assault on the body.. period.

The other point I would like to leave you with is where I agree with Dr. Carley and that is be aware of the disinformant. While mercury is a big problem in many ways, it's highly unlikely that it is the only cause of autism. This is why I advocate for getting at and addressing the core problem, be it mercury, live virus, bovine serum, God knows what else.. but still it's extremely important not to get too excited when the CDC comes out and claims it will no longer use mercury in vaccines. There will be those who will start claiming that now that the mercury has been removed from vaccines, they are safe. These people will either be grossly misinformed or bald faced liars. I don't like extremes but I also don't like idling. Vaccines aren't safe.. period. They don't protect us.. period. Some vaccine safety advocates have taken the stance of "not against vaccines but in favor of safer vaccines". Personally I wouldn't trust the CDC to safely plan a trip to zoo, so I'm not holding my breath for them to come up with some sound solution. Forget it! Negotiation time is over, they had their chance and we're on our own. Time to close the door on this extremely dark chapter of our medical history that is so diabolical it has us longing for bloodletting leeches. Ultimately our health is our own hands and there's nothing they can do to stop us.

The Bolen Report:

Olmsted on Autism: 1 in 10,000 Amish:


The Mary and Sallie Show:

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The CDC knew all along! Do they care? Will anything change?

Last night I woke at 3:30am. I do this frequently but last night my visions kept me awake until sun rise. I saw my son at age 12 months, on his birthday standing on the bed at a hotel in San Diego near Legoland. Watching Elmo.. This episode, Elmo was talking about hands, "hands are clapping, and hands must be washed before you eat.." With a bright beautiful smile and a look straight in the eye, Aydan clasped his hands together and said with conviction "hands". One month later he would receive the MMR and Chicken Pox vaccine in one day. At age 6 1/2 I have still have not heard the word "hands" come from his mouth again. A year later waiting in the doctor's office Aydan sang the "itsy bitsy spider" sort of.. The doctor came in after about an hour.. I should've just left, I should have walked away and took the sign but I didn't. I asked the doctor if I should be concerned about Aydan's speech loss but he just sang the "itsy, bitsy, spider.." She said not to worry, we'll look again in 6 months. He was vaccinated that day and I never heard "itsy bitsy spider.." again. Fast forward a year later.. Aydan had been diagnosed, was receiving treatment and was starting to get better. He has just learned the names of all of the farm animals on his favorite puzzle. At 3 he received yet another set of vaccines in order to enter school, he has never said the name of those farm animals again. Needless to say, my heart remains broken. I am haunted by these images. Painfully aware that if we had stopped sooner, if we had just skipped one round, he would be better off today. Aydan is considered on the severe end of the spectrum; he remains pre-verbal.

Today I am reading the Bolen Report which started publishing on 10/04/11 part 1 of this 3 part ground breaking series that declares the CDC has known since at least 2002 that thermerisol (mercury) containing vaccines contributed to the rise in autism. Not surprisingly after Danish researcher Dr. Paul Thorsen fled the country with millions of dollars in stolen research money, his study would turn out to be a complete fraud. Lies, withheld data and more have been revealed proving what so many of us have known for years.. Vaccines cause autism!

So isn't this what we've been waiting for, fighting for, screaming for? Can't we all sleep well knowing that the truth has come out and lives will be sparred? So why do I feel worse than ever? Because the truth is, through all my rantings and carrying on, through all my fighting of the good fight.. I just want my son back. I would gladly sacrifice the knowledge of any of this to hear my son speak, to see him write his name, to have him run up to me after school and ask if his friend can come over for a play date. I just want my boy. I don't want to be smart, or insightful or clever or wag my finger and say "I told you so." I want my boy, I want my boy, I WANT HIM!! I just want him! I want him healthy, I want him to feel good, I don't want to watch him slapping his head because the inflammation causes chronic headaches, I don't want at age 6 to see him still walking on his toes and flapping his arms, or screeching for no apparent reason or to do yet another round of anti-fungals, for yet another yeast overgrowth, for a still distended belly, caused by more constipation... I watch him as he watches his older brother run down the stairs with his friends and around the apartment complex as they go riding their scooters. Aydan and I prayer every night that one day that will be him. But here we are, age 6 1/2 and progress remains slow. I wonder if I hold onto this pain because I fear that if I let it go, I will be letting go of my recovery dream.

Each day I try, try, try again.. Fighting the school over an Apraxia speech therapist, time to test the Kidneys to make sure he's ready for chelation. More magnesium cleanses, Antifungal parade, more pro-biotics, more vitamin supplements, antioxidants, Relationship Development Intervention, evenings given Mustgatova massage, Occupational Therapy brushing protocol... Can I have a moment for myself or am I neglecting a potentially ground breaking teaching moment?

So someone tells me the other day she is worried about talking to people about vaccines because she wants to be taken seriously. Will this new information allow us to be taken seriously? Will it allow the mainstream to stop their nonsensical, unscientific rantings about the safety of vaccines? I don't care. I don't care what the mainstream media says, I don't care what the government does, and I just want my boy. I just my Aydan. I won't return to the government who caused the problem looking for an answer or an apology. I won't ask the mainstream media who has denied us for years for acceptance. Like returning to an abusive boyfriend who claims to change but never will I will not return to my abuser in anticipation of a new outcome. I don't care to be taken seriously. I just my son. I want Aydan. I want him back. I want time, I want just one, just one of those days to be erased from our history. The rest of this life, and the next, and the next after that, I give back to you God if you can give me my boy. If you can return him to his healthy state, if he could just be that carefree child that I know he longs to be when I see him watching his brother and his friends.

I commend us all, the parents of the vaccine injured who throw off the shackles of fear and speak openly and truthfully. Horribly painful stories I have heard.. I sympathize and usually empathize but in the end, I just want my boy. I want Aydan. I want him back.

Will the acknowledgement of the truth change the past? Can I have my son back now? If I remain a hard working devoted mother and a good little activist will he come back to me? Will he?

Oh and please don't give me pity, please don't complement me for my bravery or tell me all the lives I will save or the people I have sparred this pain. Don't get me wrong, I care.. I care about them all. I want a different world more than anyone can imagine; I want to save my son for a purpose. I do not see the logic in bringing up a well adjusted child to a maladjusted world. I am profoundly grateful each time I hear a new parent questioning vaccines and I am more than willing to share my story for the cause, at any given opportunity. I know there is a greater light, a higher power.. of this I am certain but I wonder if in this life I will ever be able to have a conversation with my son, play hide and seek, will he want the keys to car when he turns 16? This is my dream, this is my desire.. That is the truth!

The CDC Has Known All Along How Dangerous Vaccines Are - And Has Covered It Up... (Part One):

The CDC Has Known All Along How Dangerous Vaccines Are - And Has Covered It Up... (Part Two):

The CDC Has Known All Along How Dangerous Vaccines Are - And Has Covered It Up... (Part Three):

Friday, October 14, 2011

California and a Tale of Two Bills! Part 2

It was brought to my attention that I did not bring up many of the numerous flaws of Autism Insurance Reform bill SB 946 in my last post. Didn't I catch the fact that it was not covering Bio-medical treaments for autism? Yes, I caught it... even before reading the bill.. I caught it. I have become inundated with the reality that government is so inept that it would take a miracle for it to regard biomedical treatments as anything other than "experimental". But there are many biomedical interventions that have been just as widely tested as Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and this bill is going to enforce private insurance to cover ONLY that treatment. This is very true and wouldn't it be beneficial to our children should some of these biomedical treatments be covered by insurance? It would certainly help the cash strapped families, some of whom never go down the biomed road due to financial restrictions. For those who are confused by what I'm referring to, let me explain what I mean by "biomedical". Autism is still regarded by mainstream allopathic medicine as a psychological behavioral disorder. Allopathic medicine somehow disregards that our bodies are connected. They seem to think that the brain is an entity on to itself and that should you have a neurological disorder it would have nothing to do with the health of your body. But April aren't there more neurotransmitters in the gut than in the brain? Yes, I believe there are... doesn't matter, if government forces insurance companies to pay out on biomedical treatments then they have to begin acknowledging how those on the autistic spectrum got there. For example, if they begin funding the use of chelation therapy which removes heavy metal toxins from the body, they will have to investigate into how the heavy metals got there in the first place. Despite the fact that the Autism Research Institute survey has stated that 74 percent of families report improvement in their child's autistic symptoms after chelation the government who has caused the problem in the first place will not clean up it's own mess. Continuing through the ARI families survey (see pdf below) you will find that there are several non drug biomedical treatments that had an improvement rating of 60 percent or higher including dietary interventions, supplementation such as Methyl B12 injections, digestive enzynmes, essential fatty acids, etc. etc. All of which have an extremely low ratio of a worsening of symptoms. On the other hand you have what insurance will cover.. drugs and the only one to receive an over 60 percent improvement ratings was Difulcan, an antifungal which is used to kill Candida or Yeast overgrowth. On average most drugs targeting the reduction of autistic "behaviors" as described in this survey displayed a greater ratio of worsening of symptoms than improvement, for example Ritalin comes in with 45 percent got worse, 26 percent had no effect and 29 percent got better. I don't know what "got better" means but I suppose if the child is hyperactive and becomes more sedate that maybe defined as "got better". If 71 percent of families in the survey experience an improvement by the introduction of the Specific Carbohydrate Diet for instance, a diet that restricts disaccharide and polysaccharide sugars (di meaning two, poly meaning many) and only 7 percent claimed a worsening wouldn't that be a more safe and effective route to travel than the prescribing of Ritalin? But by now we should all know logic in government and allopathic medicine is an oxymoron. Certainly we also are aware of where their loyalities lie.


In previous years under the reign of Republican governator, Arnold Schwarznegar certain "alternative" treatments were covered by the Regional Centers. Biomedical never fell under that category; however, other such extremely well proven treatments that were regarded as "alternative" were. These might have included Hippo (horse) therapy, music, RDI (Relationshipship Developmental Intervention), Swimming and Gymanastics. But since Republicans like to cut government spending that usually impacts people on social services most of these are now gone. Democrats being no better come in and enforce regulations on corporations which causes problems like price increase. Oh.. April you're just one of those people that hates government. Yeah and.. It's always quite predictable the outcome of these things you just need to look at the supporters. If you take for example AB499 signed by all democrats supported by liberal groups such as the ACLU and Planned Parenthood (don't get me started on the conflicts of interest there) it is easy to see why Governor Brown would agree to it. Does Moonbeam really have illusions that he's going to win over such conservative groups as the Catholics for the Common Good a strong opponent to bill AB499? Of course he knows they'll never vote from him anyway. If you liken it to the mafia do you really think a Corleone is going to side with a Gambino? The result however is always "New boss same as the old..." And the perpetuel charade of false right/left politics, tag team, professional wrestling, theater of the absurd, divide and conquer.. etc., etc. Anyway, in a discussion today I'm having with one of my son's therapist SB 946 comes up. She tells me that she has several out of state clients and those states seem to have a much more logical and cost effective way of handling the autism epidemic. How so? The families are given stipends that can be used to provide services through any approved vendor, a wide variety of treatments are available not just ABA and parents are able to make the choice but this completely eliminates the middle man thereby making regional centers obsolete. All the taxpayer spending on buildings, case workers, supervisors etc. is unnecessary. Honestly, how stupid is California? You mean other states use less tax payer's money to get more done and parent's rights to choose their own child's treatments are respected? Good lord. She also goes on to tell me that most providers worth their salt won't touch insurance companies because their paperwork is a nightmare and they are constantly decreasing the rates they will pay out on. Why didn't Govenor Schwazneggar cut spending by initiating a reform such as those used in other states? Why the need for restrictions on the private sector if you could reduce spending in such a manner, democrats? In my interview on this subject with Robert Scott Bell the other day, Robert brings up a point that hadn't even occured to me about how government regulates the insurance companies out of existence. Light bulb! Obamacare, of course, I almost forgot about that. Social medicine is the end goal anyway, right? Innoculations for everyone.. plus we'lll cover your ABA therapy after our forced vaccination program makes your child autistic but if the ABA program is ineffective as it is for many autistic children, tough luck as we won't pay for anything else.


Another angle that in my last post I glided over quickly was that bill SB 946 was an Autism Speaks lobby. To many in the autism community it is no secret that Autism Speaks the largest autism "non-profit" has never been our friend. AS is one of those organizations that prides itself on "raising awareness" by the selling of blue mercury laden CFL light bulbs because apparently "lighting it up blue" (their slogan) cures autism. (And sarcasm is a second language to me, so..)

In 2010 Autism Speaks supported two controversial insurance bills S7000B/A10372A in the state of New York. These were well critized by many in the autism community including The New York Occupational Therapy Association. They assertained that these bills would cause two well established therapies Speech and Occupational to no longer be covered. Pediatric occupational thearpy is one of the more crucial rehabilitations for autism as it helps to improve motor function and sensory integration through techniques that include play and movement. It is not unlike those used for stroke victims in order to restore functions; as an added bonus it can offer exertion and movement which has been well established to reduce inflammation, improve sleep and cognition. AS has also been a strong opponent of the use of biomedical interventions, takes a stance in favor of vaccination and have been known to hire directly out of pharmaceutical companies. Alison Singer former head of Autism Speaks co-founded Autism Science Foundation with vaccine developer and proponent Dr. Paul Offit for profit, who also happens to be the head of the American Association of Pediatrics. Singer came out after the introduction of the above bills mentioned to say that they had been drafted by law firm that represents Autism Speaks as well as insurance giants Anthem Blue Cross and pharmaceutical manufactuers Merck and Pfizer. Hmm.. Anyone confused about where I'm going with this? The following excerpts were taken from a June 2011, Vaccine Truth article that goes in to much greater detail about how far the AS pharmaceutical connection goes.

"After the U.S. government’s secret payouts, consider Autism Speaks’s position on vaccines. The organization’s Chief Science Officer, Dr. Geri Dawson says this:
“Let me be clear: Autism Speaks fully supports childhood immunization and strongly encourages parents to vaccinate their children. Our vaccine program is one of our nation’s most effective programs for preventing serious infectious diseases.” [JJA Emphasis]

By their own account, shortly after Pfizer created the Autism Unit, Autism Speaks was involved in establishing a partnership with the pharmaceutical company. Page 43 of a document entitled ‘Autism Speaks 3-Year Strategic Plan for Science’ states,
Autism Speaks and Pfizer’s Neuroscience unit established a partnership that will launch Autism Speaks’ Translational Medicine Initiative. In 2010 [a year before Ring’s official appointment], leaders in the field were brought together to spearhead the development of two key conferences co-sponsored by both organizations that will help the field develop more targeted and effective therapeutics. [JJA emphasis and note]
See the Strategic Plan document here:

The importance of Dr. Ring’s (Robert Ring, PhD, a scientist from Pfizer, was placed “into to the newly-created position of vice president of translational research.”) appointment is apparent. The two conferences mentioned above were to birth and legitimize pharmaceuticals to treat autistic children. But, instead of leaving this up for interpretation, page 44 of the same document spells it out in plain language:
“…The goals of this meeting are to facilitate the entry of pharmaceutical companies into autism, assist in identification of molecular targets and strategies for their validation, and better pinpoint the challenges, gaps, and needs in moving from discovery to application.
“Both meetings are intended to provide a forum for cross-fertilization among leaders from research funding agencies, the pharmaceutical industry, the Food and Drug Administration, as well as experts in outcome measurement and clinical trials…” [Emphasis added]
Despite this early relationship, Autism Speaks Public Relations assured me in an e-mail that “Dr. Ring was selected following a competitive process involving a number of highly qualified candidates, concluding with his appointment by the Autism Speaks Board.”"

Given the limitations of the autism insurance reform bill SB946 I have mentioned in this post as well as the last, in addition to the well hidden HIV clause, on top of the fact that this bill is supported by major not for profit but actually very much for profit pharma whore Autism Speaks, why would we trust it? At best it may help some people, some what. At worst.. do I really need to say?

Hmmm.. Come to mention it, since Autism Speaks hired the law firm Mannatt, Phelps and Phillips to lobby for the New York insurance bills mentioned and this same law firm also happens to be a representive of Merck who manufactuers the Gardasil vaccine as well the currently in development HIV vaccine, you have to wonder how far the rabbit hole goes. I could end up writing "California and a Tale of Two Bills! Part 2000" before all this is said and done.


Shortly after learning of Governor Brown's signing of pro-vaccine bill AB499, a fellow vaccine activist, parent, educator and founder of the Vaccine Resistance Movement, Joel Lord posted the following message:

‎"It is now more important than ever for parents to educate themselves on the dangers posed by the HPV vaccine Gardasil (without a doubt the most deadly of all vaccines currently on the market); while ensuring the channels with their child/children remain open at all times. Sit them down, show them the evidence calmly & consistently. Most young boys & girls will quickly curdle at the suggestion of knowingly inviting hybrid Cervical Cancer, infertility/sterility, nerve damage/paralysis & Multiple Sclerosis like symptoms into their lives. Common sense, prudence & education can still beat out ignorance and prevent this legislation from ever taking effect on the ground, forever damaging the lives of our precious families."


When I think back to 2007 when my son was first diagnosed with autism I can't remember the names of any of the government officials and very few of the therapists who came and went as part of my son's intervention team. I do remember and remain in contact with many of the people, mostly mother's of autistic children that gave me advice, a reason to hope and the desire to never give up. They taught me about nutrition, diet and health with the incentive that I "heal the gut and the brian will follow." I never got that from any government institution or private corporation or inanimate heartless foundation. These women were not paid, they did not work for the government, they were not famous and they never told me I was crazy for thinking my son's autism was vaccine induced.. quite the opposite. The question I would like to ask is how many times do we get sold out by our government to corporate interest before we realize they're not on our side? How many phone calls and letters did you write to veto AB499? If there's a lesson to be learned it is that our healing process is to come from within, forgiveness of ourselves and the mistakes that we have made. Now more than every it is time to reconnect with each other, reach out for guidance and offer it to those in need. While I preach healing it remains a process I have yet to embark on my own. I remain unable to forgive myself for practicing such negligence on my son's behalf and allowing him to be injected with neurologically debilatating toxins. Each night before bed after story time, a song and prayer for my son's recovery. I remind him of how much he is loved and of all the things he will one day be able to do... running around, riding on scooters with his 8 year old, neurotypical brother and his friends. While he cannot express his desire through words, I know this is something he looks forward to as I remind it's time for prayer, he places his hand together towards the sky and deeply looks into my eyes and I looking back at this angelic face tell him I know he is trapped, I know he is smart and I know he wants more and God willing he will have it.. God knows we work hard enough for it. Tonight I will prayer for us all, I will prayer for my children, I will thank God for all you and perhaps I will prayer for myself too.

This is by no means an encouragement to stop protesting, ranting, fighting and spreading the truth.. no, quite the opposite. It is time however to put aside our differences in order to achieve the goals I believe we all share.. protecting the furture of our children, reconnecting, truth and healing.

-Autism Research Institute Survey:

-News feed researcher goes over California bills, describes limitations, pros and cons and the support from Autism Speaks for SB 946:

-Autism Votes, an Autism Speaks Initiative:

-Singer Confirms Autism Speaks Insurance Lobbyists Drafted Controversial NY Bill:

-New York Autism Insurance Bill: Protects and Serves Whom?:

-83 Reasons to Question Autism Speaks for Hiring Big Pharma Scientist:

-HIV vaccine:

-AIDS Research Alliance to test GeoVax HIV vaccine:

Thursday, October 13, 2011

California and a Tale of Two Bills!

Originally posted on my facebook blog 10/10/11.

The new law in California that allows minor's to consent to vaccination without parents' knowledge reads as follows:

'SECTION 1. Section 6926 of the Family Code is amended to read: 6926. (a) A minor who is 12 years of age or older and who may have come into contact with an infectious, contagious, or communicable disease may consent to medical care related to the diagnosis or treatment of the disease, if the disease or condition is one that is required by law or regulation adopted pursuant to law to be reported to the local health officer, or is a related sexuallytransmitted disease, as may be determined by the State Public Health Officer. (b) A minor who is 12 years of age or older may consent to
medical care related to the prevention of a sexually transmitted disease (c) The minor’s parents or guardian are not liable for payment for medical care provided pursuant to this section'

The good news is that despite what has been reported about this and all the confusion that's insued including my own, this does not appear to be allowing children to seek pregnancy prevention or abortion nor does it seem to be allowing vaccination for every contagious disease. Nevertheless, this is a major blow to parents' rights and the safety of our children bypassing a mandate which has proven to be unpopular in the past and using the powers of coersion in it's place.

Now let's talk a tale of two bills. Two bills placed on the Governor's desk on the same day. One is AB499 which pertains to a minor's right to consent to the treatment and prevention of STDs including one of the most diabolical vaccines to every hit the market, Gardasil. On the other hand you have SB946 put forth by major "non-profit", Autism Speaks among others, which will require private insurance companies to cover treatments for autism. What does one have to do with the other? I would argue, quite a lot. First of all you have the same people who are opposed to one bill supporting the other so when Governor Brown goes to sign both bills on the same day parents' will fill that it is a half victory rather than a complete failure. But wait.. is SB946 the savior for autism everyone is looking for? Read below and you decide.

'The California Constitution requires the state to reimburse local agencies and school districts for certain costs mandated by the state. Statutory provisions establish procedures for making that reimbursement. This bill would provide that no reimbursement is required by this act for a specified reason.'

Those who have children with autism, as I do are probably aware of the fact that State agencies such as schools and regional centers that provide treatment for autism seek reimbursement for specified reasons through the federally funded insurance program known as medical (in other States medicaid). SB 946 states this will be amended so that "no reimbursement is required by this act for a specified reason". The Regional Centers which provide home treatment for families are considered to be the "payee of last resort". In other words, they won't pick up the tab if the insurance companies are already doing so and if they aren't receiving reimbursement then certainly the motivation to do so goes down.

The bill does specify that this should not have an effect however on IEP or Individual Education Plans as provided.

"This section shall not affect or reduce any obligation to provide services under an individualized education program, as defined in Section 56032 of the Education Code, or an individualized service plan, as described in Section 5600.4 of the Welfare and Institutions Code, or under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (20 U.S.C. Sec. 1400, et seq.) and its implementing regulations."

However if you've ever had to go through an IEP meeting with the school staff you know that money matters. The budgetary needs of the school are always considered despite what the staff may have you believe and once again when one of the funding sources has been cut off.. look out.

Then it goes on to discuss all the qualifications of the service provider but states that those on government assisted insurance are exempt and even in the case of private pay they maybe subjected to rejection of services, co-payments, etc.

"(d) This section shall not apply to the following:
(1) A specialized health insurance policy that does not cover mental health or behavioral health services or an accident only, specified disease, hospital indemnity, or Medicare supplement policy. (2) A health insurance policy in the Medi-Cal program (Chapter 7 (commencing with Section 14000) of Part 3 of Division 9 of the Welfare and Institutions Code). (3) A health insurance policy in the Healthy Families Program (Part 6.2 (commencing with Section 12693) of Division 2 of the Insurance Code). (4) A health care benefit plan or policy entered into with the Board of Administration of the Public Employees' Retirement System pursuant to the Public Employees' Medical and Hospital Care Act (Part 5 (commencing with Section 22750) of Division 5 of Title 2 of the Government Code). (e) Nothing in this section shall be construed to limit the obligation to provide services under Section 10144.5. (f) Notwithstanding any other provision of law As provided in Section 10144.5 and in paragraph (1) of subdivision (a) , in the provision of benefits required by this section, a health insurer may utilize case management, network providers, utilization review techniques, prior authorization, copayments, or other cost sharing."

So far it looks like the State is finding a way to relinquish it's pay out for autism while pushing it back on the insurance companies, sort of..

It also goes on to talk about how this bill will only be in effect for 2 years unless it is extended. So what happens in the two years time? Do insurance rates go up? Better believe it, nothing in the law states anything to the contrary. Does State funded programming go down? While it says that shouldn't occur, it's always a negotiation when it comes to getting services provided through government funded sources for your child's autism so who's to say?

Okay, so now the really weird part.

"Existing law establishes various communicable disease prevention and control programs. Existing law requires the State Department of Public Health to establish a list of reportable diseases and conditions and requires health care providers and laboratories to report cases of HIV infection to the local health officer using patient names and sets guidelines regarding these reports. Existing law requires the local health officers to report unduplicated HIV cases by name to the department. This bill would authorize the department to revise the HIV reporting form without the adoption of a regulation, as specified."

What's that? Why does a bill about autism insurance reform have a clause pertaining to HIV reporting in it? Hmm.. What is Big Pharma for 6 billion, Alex? Just as the State earns revenue for every autism diagnosis it generates in the system, so does it for HIV; therefore, by changing the law to make it more accesible for Health Officials to report cases of HIV you can increase the State's income should this result in a larger number of HIV positive cases being reported. Not only that but upon the next reporting cycle you can probably count on headlines reading "California HIV rates soar!!" And as this was slipped under the radar by hiding it in an autism bill, you can bet that no one will be aware of the fact that it was due merely to a change in law.

Go back to AB499 and you have a law in place that allows minors to consent to the treatment of HIV without parental approval and currently in the process of development is?? you guessed it, an HIV vaccine which 12 year olds will already by law be able to consent to without parents' knowledge. Of course this a speculative scenario on my part trying to piece together the events of the day. Given my complete distrust of government I had to review the bill SB946 before just assigning my support and while doing so it didn't sit well with me to support something that would encourage this push for increased HIV diagnosis. Especially given the fact that it's a totally bogus diagnosis in the first place and the treatment AZT is a death sentence. This may not increase the number of diagnosed but regulation on reporting is being changed for a reason and I believe that reason could be to increase revenue for the bankrupt State.

Keep in mind too that AB499 is an amendment to one in a series of family codes 6920-6929 that were put into effect last year allowing minors the right to consent to medical care without parental knowledge. This includes section 6924 that gives a child the ability consent to the out-patient treatment of a mental illness prescribed by a professional defined as a "government agency" among other things. "Out-patient treatment"? More drugs, of course.

So does Toni Atkins the assemblywoman from San Diego who wrote this bill after receiving a $1000 campaign donation from Merck the manufactuer of Gardasil thinking that this treatment will be for her children?

"The people who tend to question it are probably the media, etc. because it’s a newsworthy topic for you," Atkins said. "The issue is that you are dealing with people under the age of 18. The recommendation is for parents to be aware of this for their young girls and young boys and I think, probably, the group of young people that are going to be seeking care are already seeking care for things like diagnosis and treatment."

I would say from this statement, she doesn't. I would say that once again if you disagree then you must be a bad parent because if you're a good parent what do you have to worry about? You're kid won't be having sex behind your back, right? This is for children who have baaaaddd parents and therefore need to be protected by your friend the Government. I would say she also doesn't even believe opposition exists, she seems to think it's just "the media". Oh really?

Given that fact that within the past year California has passed and put into effect new laws that will increase drug treatment and vaccination for minors it's point blank obvious that it is a big pharma stooge. Never in my life have I found an instant where the old adage "follow the money" was incorrect. On a more sinister note it appears that a heavier hand is at work. I don't believe the Governor and his minions are in on it but on a higher scale you have to wonder if this is part of the implication of Codex Alimentarius, Agenda 21. The agenda for 21st. century that is to break up the family and depopulate through food and drugs. Does that not appear to be what's happening?

I dunno.. I'm no expert and I've certainly been wrong before so I would willingly welcome any correction of my statements. I will go to bed tonight with an added prayer for it.

Listen to my interview on the 10/10/11 Robert Scott Bell regarding this topic:

-AB 499:


-SB 946 Bill analysis:

-Gov. signs bill letting minors seek HPV vaccinations without parental consent:

-2010 California Code Family Code Chapter 3. Consent By Minor:


-U.S. Doctor Cautious About HIV Vaccine:

-California Health Officials HIV reporting system:

-California Health Officials to Track New HIV Cases:

Merck Bankrolled Anti-Parent Bill:

HIV Test Warning Label:

MOS with Liam Scheff - HIV Testing 1.m4v:

Law gives minors right to get HPV shots:

California School Provides Door to Door Vaccination! What's next?

Originally posted on my facebook blog 09/25/11)

Yesterday I received a message from a young viewer of my Youtube channel in response to a video I did about the new vaccine mandate for Tdap in California. This intelligent young lady attends this State's Natomas School District on Independent Study; meaning that she is primarily homeschooled and spends little time on campus. She and her mother were alarmed to open the door the other day to a representative of the school, a news crew and a man in scrubs claiming to be a nurse carrying a vaccine for the Tdap (no prior notice had been given). The girl's mother (*I decided to remove name to protect the identity of this individual) started to grow concerned over the exceedingly high number of pushed vaccines year after year, "first it's the Bird flu, then the Swine flu, now this, what's next?" What's next, indeed. Her concerns continued after reading news reports that questioned the efficacy of the Tdap vaccine. It was estimated that between 70-95 percent of those who contracted Pertussis (Whooping Cough) in California were among the fully vaccinated. In fact California had voluntarily been one of the most vaccinated for Tdap in this age group after a recommendation in 2005 followed a previous Pertussis outbreak. Anyone with a modicrum of sense might find this information to be in contradiction with the immunity "wears off" theory that has been floating around the mainstream media. The fact that the Tdap nor it's inbred cousin DTP/DTaP has been proven either safe or effective makes a little more sense than the "wears off" debate. *Ms. Doe was informed by the school that she needed her daughter to either be vaccinated or fill out an exemption form for the Tdap. When she expressed her desire to exercise her right to seek Personal Beliefs exemption, she was not offered nor given the form necessary to do so and had to seek it out herself as the standard exemptions have not been accepted for this new Tdap mandate. A specific form on blue paper called the Tdap Waiver 2011 Cdph 8261 is required (see below).

I was disturbed watching the video of the families being sabotaged by a news crew and the school reprensentatives with the implication that these people were not concerned about the safety of their children. In addition it was conveniently missing from the news report that many had not been fully provided with the documents for exemption but nevertheless were portrayed as "neglectful" or experiencing "family situations." On the other hand, it is clear to me that there is indeed neglect... on the side of the school district in their disclosure of their student's rights. Furthermore after it was brought to my attention by *Ms. Doe, I noticed the list of families' names, phone numbers and addresses being cleary provided to the news crew by the school so that they could freeze frame and make sure all were aware of exactly who was "neglecting" their child. Is this an attempt to create a McCarthy style blacklist or just a blantant encroachment of privacy? Either way it does not sit well with me and it shouldn't with anyone who cares about privacy, health freedom or the rights of parents to make informed medical decisions on their children's behalf. This is one event in a string of attempts to erode student's and parent's rights in the State of California. Not coincidentally a State that has traditionally offered a fairly simple Personal Belief's exemption is now experiencing an increase in the number of mandates as well as bill AB499 which currently sits on Governor Jerry Brown's desk awaiting signature for approval or veto. This bill will amend family code 6926 that allows 12 years old to seek treatment for sexually transmitted or communicable diseases without parental consent or knowledge to include "preventative" care. In other words, HPV and/or Hepatituts B Vaccine as well as other vaccines for "contagious" or "communicable" diseases such as the Tdap in question. This will be done again without parental consent or knowledge. Increasing concerns of my own prompted me to write the following letter and since turn about is fair play I have also listed the address and contact information for the Natomas School District and News 10. Feel free to copy, paste, edit and send this letter or your own version at will.

Natomas Unified School District
1901 Arena Blvd.
Sacramento, CA 95834
(916) 567-5400

To Whom It May Concern;

After viewing the news report on how your school district decided to go door to door asking parents to vaccinate their children with Tdap in their home, I grew concerned of your school's knowledge of student's and parent's rights. I wonder if instead of leaping to an assumption that the parents are experiencing different "family situations" they maybe experiencing concerns over the safety and efficacy of the vaccine itself. It has certainly been all over the news that there is a Whooping Cough/Pertussis outbreak in California; however, very little is addressed about the fact that nearly all of those who contracted the disease were fully vaccinated for it nor the fact that California itself has one of the highest vaccination rates for Tdap in the country. Any parent informed of this may question the logic of yet another mandate on their child in order to attend school. Would it not be more advantageous to such a parent to offer them the exemption form Cdph 8261 as required in lieu of vaccination? Particularly given that it is their right to seek exemption on grounds of Personal Belief's, and furthermore, in light of the information about the questionable efficacy of the vaccine I mentioned. Find the a link to the CNN article that addresses this below. The law for vaccine mandate states as follows:

'120365. Immunization of a person shall not be required for admission to a school or other institution listed in Section 120335 if the parent or guardian or adult who has assumed responsibility for his or her care and custody in the case of a minor, or the person seeking admission if an emancipated minor, files with the governing authority a letter or affidavit stating that the immunization is contrary to his or her beliefs. However, whenever there is good cause to believe that the person has been exposed to one of the communicable diseases listed in subdivision (a) of Section 120325, that person may be temporarily excluded from the school or institution until the local health officer is satisfied that the person is no longer at risk of developing the disease.'

Were the parents in question given this fully disclosed information and provided a vaccine exemption form therewith? I have reason to believe they were not. I respectfully request that in the future, the district and News 10 act in a manner that is appropriate, fair and respectful to the privacy and wishes of families who are increasing their concerns about vaccination safety and efficacy. It is explicitly inappropriate to assume their "neglect" and display their names, addresses and phone numbers on broadcast news.

Thank you for your time.


Concerned Citizen

Vaccination role unclear in whooping cough outbreak:

CC. News10 @ 400 Broadway, Sacramento, CA 95812-0010 News Room: (916) 321-3300

As I opened my computer this morning to begin writing this piece I found yet another article by Sacramento News 10 discussing legislatures and lawmakers in California's desire to increase "tougher laws" for unvaccinated children. Again I ask the question that Ms. Doe* asked in our conversation last night, "..what next?" How much longer before the exemption is not an option for children to attend school or even independent study or homeschool? How much longer before yet another "pandemic" scare will prompt another unsafe, untested, uneffective vaccine that the injured may not seek civil suit against? When do they stop asking and start telling? When does the school representative get replaced by a man in a suit of armor carrying a gun? We all saw what happened in New Orleans after marshall law was declared following Hurricane Katrina. Citizens being rounded up and taken to concentration camps.. excuse me, FEMA camps, removed of their firearms, forced at gunpoint to leave their homes and stripped of all Constitutional rights. When this happens again will the Hurricane be in the form of a staged pandemic? For those that think this has nothing to do with them I leave you with the following famous quote By Pastor Martin Niemoller:

"In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."

I am confident the good people of this community will do the right thing and speak up.

References for this note can be found below:

-Nurse tracks down unvaccinated students in Natomas:

-Tougher laws considered for unvaccinated students: role unclear in whooping cough outbreak:

-Whooping Cough: The Disease and the Vaccine:

-California Health and Safety Code; In Re: Vaccine Mandates/Exemptions:

-Tdap Waiver 2011 Cdph 8261:

-Vaccine Wake Up Call for Parents: Your Children Are Being Taken:

-Governor Jerry Brown's contact infomation to request VETO of AB499:
Call: (916) 445-2841
Fax: (916) 558-3160
Email Web Form:

Friday, July 29, 2011

Get a Rock!!!!

Aydan turned 6 in April. The months leading up to this day and the subsequent days since have been some of the most anxiety ridden and depressing days of my life. Let me just start by stating that I am not a hypochondriac, a willing patient and I don't seek attention for being sad. In fact, I hate it. I detest it almost as much as when I do feel this way and people are telling me things like "cheer up" or "it's all in your head". Okay, okay.. I believe in mind over matter to an extent, I believe we can make choices that effect our mood and intern effect our health, happiness, etc. but does it ever lift your spirits when someone sits there in judgement of your emotional state? Not in my experience. I'm sure they all mean well but it is for this reason (and a few others) that I generally keep it to myself.

I have always wanted to be a mother. I dreamed of being the attentive, cool, active mom that raised well balanced, healthy, intelligent kids and like most of my fantasies this one did not turn out exactly the way I envisioned. Nevertheless, in all my wildest dreams I couldn't have predicted the amount of love I would feel for my children. I thought I understood it, until I held those babies in my arms. The feeling of unconditional love was overwhelming and transformed me into a vunerable being in ways I couldn't have imagined. I knew that I would do anything to protect them.. ANYTHING! I knew that my life was no longer my own and that no matter how much I may want to give up myself, I could never give up on them and they need me.

If you have a child with autism, you know that birthdays are often bittersweet. You know that when another year passes without recovery, it is another year of buying your aging child toddler toys, it's another celebration that your child may or may not even be aware of and it is another year that the "window" continues to close (more on that later). This year I will say, was slightly different. Aydan laughed and giggled at the sight of his gluten free cake, even trying to cut it with a fork. I relished when I asked him "which puzzle?" and he was able to point to the one with undersea animals not the shapes. Believe me, no one more than I jumps, shouts, claps, or gasps with excitment when any little progress is noticed. If Aydan lifts his spoon to eat a meal without my prompting I squeal so loudly it nearly causes him to drop it and then proceed to sing "Who knows how to use a spoon?? Aydan, Aydan! Who's a big boy now? Aydan, Aydan!" Progress! I love it no matter what the size. I'm normally game when it comes to beating myself to a pulp but in this case I don't believe for a minute that I am ungrateful of what progress has been made. Still as I write this, like so many other blogs before I must walk away to breathe, cry and/or enjoy a mild panic attack. Since giving up is never a viable option I go over the check list several times, what haven't we done yet? Chelation.. yes, it's time to begin chelation, testing underway.. check. Take the school to due process to finally get Aydan the services in speech, occupational therapy, etc. that he needs and deserves, hell, that's OWED to him. They aren't doing us any favors, we're taxpayers, payment rendered, give him what he needs dammit... check.

So here we are.. broke, broken and looking to the horizon, praying for recovery one day. I hear the Tom Petty song in my head "..hey baby, there ain't no easy way out... And I won't back down..." That's right, I won't ever give up, EVER! I don't care how long it takes.. Well that's a lie. I want it sooner rather than later but I'll take it anyway it comes. So am I merely a dreamer? The "experts" would say so. They have this little nonsensical bit of "science" they call the "window of opportunity" (commence eye roll). This is the theory that at around age 6, the brain doesn't continue to learn at the same rate and therefore intensive early intervention treatment will begin to fade. The argument is that "studies" show progress does not sustain hence the necessity of treatment diminshes. Bullshit! This being no different than most "science" based crap is nothing more than a money scheme.. allegedly. Yeah, I allege that. As I started on this path of researching this "window" I realized that there are many bloggers who write on this topic and are much better at this than I am. I wasn't really finding anything anyway so I decided to give this nonsense the attention it deserves and stopped. Honestly it doesn't matter what the "experts" say, they're almost always wrong anyway, so who cares? WE are the experts afterall, aren't we? The whitecoats can talk all they want, perform their crappy studies to prove anything and everything causes autism except for vaccines and oh yeah.. there's very little hope but their hearts go out to you... Sorry! Blah blah blah.. Doesn't matter, why? Because, the window can close all it wants. I know that me and my war buddies (fellow autism parents) will always be able to find a rock. No matter how thick the glass, there will be a brick, rock, bolder large enough to smash that window to smithereens.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Autism in the Century of Self (Including Self)

April is "Autism Awareness" month. In other words, Autism Speaks, a "non-profit" organization will use well intentioned donations to fund their over paid employees and have the Empire State Building "light it up blue" while continuing to bury the truth about vaccines and autism. Last week I found myself more than aware of this so called autism, in particular it's effects on this self obsessed society (or should I say, the effects on it). How much are we really helping by giving to a "charity" like this? You may give 5 hard earned dollars to Autism Speaks because Kobe Bryant says "autism speaks.. it's time to listen", (well if Kobe says it it must be true, right?) Meanwhile having no idea that the next door neighbors you complained about for making too much noise have a child with autism that is no more responsible for the noise he makes then his inability to speak.

Oh yes.. I'm bitter. Last week I received an anonymous note from a neighbor proclaiming not only that my son's noise caused by his vocal stimming was a problem but that I in fact am a bad mother because of it. Sure, I can be the devil's advocate and agree that it is probably very annoying to hear him yammering especially on a hot day while the windows are open or he's playing outside on the porch. I can also agree that he may spend sometime out there and to a neighbor wanting to tune into that afternoon's episode of Dr. Phil or take that midday nap this is going to be an issue. This note however, proclaimed to have concerns over the well-being of my son while insinuating that if the noise didn't stop then efforts would be made to have us evicted or even Child Protection Services maybe contacted. Concern??? Really??? I guess concern for a child's well being is to try and have him removed from a loving home into some government agency where he is twice as likely to die and is 4 times more likely to be sexually abused. Let me preface this by saying that at no time did any of my neighbors knock on the door and say "can you keep the noise down?" In other words my first contact with this neighbor (that I'm aware of) was in the form of an extremely hostile, accusatory letter posted on my door while I was taking my son to school.

During introverted reflections, I ask myself "is this my fault?" Sure I can be blamed for the noise but allowing my son to play on the porch is no more neglectful then any of us allowing our children to sit down and watch a movie or play in their room alone for a couple hours. Oh believe me, I can go on beating myself up about all the ways that I'm not perfect. There are numerous mistakes I've made in life and in motherhood. Countless times I just needed to be alone or I opted to talk to my girlfriend on the phone for an hour over playing with my kids. I know.. I'm a monster, right? Even taking this time now to write a post could be construed as selfish. However, what I'm thinking about today is this society as a whole (myself included) with regards to our lack of compassion for one another, over sweeping judgments and denial about our true selves. Sure I maybe guilty of being a poor neighbor, I won't deny that. Was it thoughtful of me to allow my son to make noise outside on hot day? Probably not. Should I have endured the air conditioning bill on our already overextended finances and kept him inside? Maybe. Or better yet, stop whatever so called important things I was doing and take him to the beach? Definitely.

I am reminded of a story about the first time I took the kids on an outing alone after Aydan was born. Here I am with a newborn and a two year old at the drugstore developing baby pictures. Aydan is a couple weeks old and is in his car seat which I locked into the shopping cart; that my oldest (Avery) up until then had always sat in but was now being forced to walk. Pushing the cart with one hand, holding the two year old's hand with the other, the baby starts to cry.. louder and louDER and LOUDER!!! We're standing at the photo counter watching two employees in the back who appear to be chatting away; yet, no one has come to take my order. Finally, one of the employees comes to the counter while several shoppers are starring at the out of control baby and the mother who can't handle her kids, I start to lift Aydan out of his chair in an attempt to stop the crying. At this moment my 2 year old darts towards the door following another 2 year old (I guess he wanted to play). The employee says to me "there he goes.." Yeah, thanks lady where were you 20 minutes ago when I first got here? Anyway, just as Avery is 2 feet away from the front door and I am trying to chase him down with a 13 pound crying newborn in my arms, a woman in her 50's with short blonde hair kneels down to a child's height and stops Avery from running outside. I bend along with her, out of breath, sweating up a storm and humiliated. She looks me in the eye and says "I know this is hard.." Even now as I remember this day tears fill my eyes. Yes, it is hard. I found myself overwhelmed by the kindness of this stranger. She did not glare at me, role her eyes or condemn me for being a bad mother. She offered a hand instead but much more than that, she offered understanding.

How did we get to this place where such an act is not the norm but a call for tears? Elvis Costello once asked "What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?" Does anyone know? It seems to be the knee jerk reaction by most to judge, condemn and call the "authorities". Praising the nanny state, demanding that funds not be cut for such social services that are to "intervene" with "bad parenting".. Well, why is it government's job to raise our children (and I mean, all of our children)? What about us? I ask this question to all parents but particularly to autism parents, can you imagine the improvement in the quality of your life if a neighbor offered an hour of their time to take your child to the park while you took a nap on a regular basis? Do you think we'd hear as many tragic stories about mothers murdering their children?

This business with my neighbor is hardly an isolated incident for parents especially those who have children with special needs. Constantly we are being accused of not doing enough, doing too much or neglect because we don't choose to feed our kids crap, shove drugs down their throats or vaccinate; such as the now famous story of Detroit mother Maryanne Godboldo. A good friend of mine recently found out that an old babysitter (respite worker) is being accused of child molestation. She understandably became upset and while reading the news article, she noticed that many of the comments underneath were condemning the parents of all people making statements such as "look at him, how could anyone let him into their home..." Why? Why? Why? How in Gods' green earth can it be the parents' fault for an outside party being a child molester? Don't even get me started on the vaccine judgments. To the pro-vaxing zealots we're negligent for not wanting to vaccinate, to some of the anti-vaxers in the natural health community we should be sued or accused of child abuse for having had our children vaccinated in the first place. I can't even begin to repeat all of the anecdotal stories from parents about CPS removals from the home because of gluten/casein free diets or being falsely accused of abuse because of colic and on and on... Whatever happened to sympathy? If the child's crying or tantruming stop judging and think for a second "he may have autism". Even if he doesn't ask the parents if there's anything you can do to help; even if there's nothing you can do, even if the parents' don't want your help, even if you don't agree with their parenting style and even if there's nothing in it for you.. or me.

Resources for this post are as follows:
-Invisible Children:
-In-Home Caregiver Accused of Molesting Autistic Boy:,0,6355101.story
-SWAT Attacks Home School Mom for Refusing to Force Med Child:
-UPDATED for 2009 - Autism Speaks: Where The Money Goes:

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Vaccines and Mind Control: The Engineering of Consent (Part 2)

After watching the CNN Anderson Cooper interview with Dr. Andrew Wakefield I like many of my fellow autism parents was pissed. I found myself getting sucked into what I call the Matrix. What this means to me is that I am being drawn into a world of illusion. I certainly find corporate media such as CNN to be catalyst of this Matrix, dream like society. Here's some history on CNN. It was founded in 1980 by Ted Turner as the first 24 hour news channel. In the 1990s it became very popular for it's coverage of the American invasion of Iraq known as the Gulf War. So what? Well Ted Turner has been in the news a lot lately as environmental advocate and catalyst against climate change. OK, that sounds good? Not so fast. Not even trying to get into the flaws of the "global warming" science, Turner has made millions of donations into the World Health Organization to promote the Gates Foundation "Decade of Vaccines" campaign.

So what's going on here? Notice the words that Anderson Cooper uses, "many parents desperate for answers".. We're always "desperate" aren't we? Never intelligent, educated and fed up, no.. "desperate". Desperate for what? To find a cause that we may have prevented? Nice try but no.. there's no comfort in that. He also accuses Dr. Wakefield of claiming a "conspiracy". Very divisive verbiage indeed. Despite the fact that Wakefield repeatedly denies any conspiracy accusation, Anderson Cooper continues. "Conspiracy" is a heavy handed word, so is "fraud", "liar" and on and on... Before you know it Andrew Wakefield will be linked to al Quaeda and considered a known terrorist. While these are heavy handed words they are far from accurate. I could go on all day with this topic. The media has been on all out campaign to promote vaccination and to debunk the discrediting of it; however, time and time again they fail to produce any reliable information that proves it's efficacy or safety. But without continuing to go on about what they aren't saying let me see if I can focus in on what they are saying and better yet why they are using these particular words. Well it's simple, news shows have long been run by advertisement agents, in other words the same people selling you bottles of ketchup and uncle Ben's rice are selling you the news. That's right, the news is sold just like everything else. To go even further it should be pointed out that advertisers are instructed by psychologists, yes psychologists, Freud, "tell me your problems" and all that.

Speaking of Freud, his less famous nephew, Edward Bernays, wrote an essay in 1947 known as "The Engineering of Consent". This technique of engineering the mindset of the public would be used in countless marketing campaigns even today from convincing the public to use a flouridated water system in the municipal supply to convincing women to start smoking (a previously male only activity).

"He defines "engineering consent" as the art of manipulating people; specifically, the American public, who are described as "fundamentally irrational people... who could not be trusted." It maintained that entire populations, which were undisciplined or lacking in intellectual or definite moral principles, were vulnerable to unconscious influence and thus susceptible to want things that they do not need. This was achieved by linking those products and ideas to their unconscious desires. Ernest Dichter, who is widely considered to be the "father of motivational research," referred to this as "the secret-self of the American consumer." (Excerpt taken from Wikipedia)

So again, what does this all have to do with autism and vaccines? There are only 6 major corporations that run approximately 90 percent of the multi-media and they are sponsored by.. you got it, pharmaceutical companies. Putting that aside if you can, remember the words of Bernays, you (meaning the public) are "fundamentally irrational people... could not be trusted.." Irrational? Maybe "desperate", Mr. Cooper? Think about this, the next time you watch TV news or better yet unplug from the Matrix, they can't sell you what you don't buy and if you see Neo please send him my way.

Resources for this post see below:

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Vaccines and Mind Control: Indoctrinating our Children (Part 1)

If you ask someone if they think for themselves, most people would say that while they engage in the fruits of our abundant society they still maintain a true sense of self, understanding, knowing who they are and believe that "yes, in fact my thoughts are my own." I've been pondering this a lot lately especially after witnessing the recent media lynching of Dr. Andrew Wakefield (the gastroenterologist who in 1998 conducted the now infamous study showing a potential link to the MMR vaccine and autism). Despite the fact that Wakefield never claimed vaccines caused autism but merely suggested that there was a need for concern and to do further research, the good doctor has lost his medical license, his country and his credibility in the eyes of most but certainly not from the autism/vaccine injured community (or anyone who knows the history of vaccines for that matter). The reactions are not surprising, the media will repeatedly use language that is subltly offensive to the vaccine injured such as "despite the fact that Dr. Wakefield has been found to be a fraud, this will not change the minds of parents who swear their children were vaccine injured.." and on and on.. It's exhausting in it's stupidity, lack of research, fake fraud claims and outright lies. For some strange reason as I hear these words repeated by the likes of Anderson Cooper, Dr. Sanjay Gupta and many others at the Ted Turner owned network of CNN, I was reminded of an experience I had while leaving the theater school I attended in downtown San Francisco during the early 1990s. Frequently, I would find myself on the other end of multiple requests by strangers walking the streets. Homeless asking for money, store shop solicitors asking me to buy and the occasional Jehovah's Witness asking for my repentance. On more then one occasion I was on the receiving end of similar request coming from the Church of Scientology. Being a person that does her best to respect others and not judge, unlike many of my friends who would tell the Scientologist where to put their surveys, I would merely take one, smile and walk away. Out of curiosity I started reading and I found it to be a very strange personality test given out to people who were supposed recruits. First of all there were hundreds of them but one in particular struck me as quite odd, "Do you read maps and dictionaries for fun?" What's wrong with that I thought, because it was and is in fact something I occasionally do. In retrospect I wonder why I automatically leaped to the assumption that there must be something wrong with it. Hind sight being the glorious gift and curse it is I have come up with this, the old tried and true mind control tactic "problem, reaction, solution". This was so ingrained in my psyche to expect something wrong (problem) with me that it was my knee jerk reaction to a question that I had answered in the affirmative. Many of us would secretly hope that while taking a questionnaire such as this, we will answer negative to all and find out we are perfectly normal but with hundreds of questions of varying topics you're bound to come across a few that may reflect your truth. On a larger scale we have an understanding this goes on, i.e. the Kool-Aid drinkers at Jonestown, the Branch Davidians at Waco Texas, the Charles Manson gang but I had never been apart of a cult and yet still I was vulnerable to the subtle suggestion of a survey. I've come to understand since then that there is nothing wrong with me. Certainly I possess human imperfections, weaknesses and flaws but nothing is wrong. So what does any of this have to do with vaccines, autism and/or Andrew Wakefield? Nothing.. but it has everything to do with the way we perceive these things.

As a general rule, I do my best to avoid the mainstream media and I am quite aware of these tactics being used in a much more sophisticated and subtle way on most if not all major networks. However, as an autism parent and Andrew Wakefield supporter I was bombarded with emails, facebook updates and posts pertaining the various public lynching I mentioned earlier. The whole thing enraged me to no end but eventually as I calmed I remembered a quote I had once read, “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it” Adolf Hilter. These indoctrination techniques, however, are not reserved for adults fooled by their presidential candidate or cult victims. It begins at birth and television is it's most prominent vessel. As we watch the Flintstone's commercial above it maybe shocking even funny to see such an outdated understanding of the dangers of cigarettes and the particular naivety of it being targeted towards children. You might even chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all. Certainly we know better now... Right?